One day you won’t measure your life by years (40, 63, 87, 101). But you’ll measure your years by who you were.

“I was a faithful husband” or “I wasn’t a faithful husband”.

“I was a loving father” or “I wasn’t a loving father”.

“I was a good pastor” or “I wasn’t a good pastor”.

“I was a loyal friend” or “I wasn’t a loyal friend”.

A friend asked me how I feel turning 40 today. On the one hand I said I feel the same as I did yesterday. Maybe a little stronger than 39. I added ten pounds to my power snatch this morning. But on the other hand I said I do feel different when I look at the pictures that Alissa, my wife, pulled out.

I look younger for sure. But that’s not why. It’s in seeing the other people in those pictures that I begin to feel different. I don’t feel different when I think about myself turning 40. I feel different when I think about myself in relationship to others—the people that are a part of my life. It’s in thinking about them first, not myself, that I begin to feel more thankful, joyful, and hopeful than I have before.

I am created by God to be in relationship with others, not isolated from others, certainly not at enmity with others. In good relationship is where I find meaning, purpose, and joy, beginning in my relationship with God. I can’t imagine my life without God, I can’t imagine my life without others. The idea of living without certain people as a part of my life or them without me as a part of their life, that saddens me. It proves, at least to me, that my life isn’t meant or created or designed to be lived apart from others or, worse, for myself.

These past 39 years mean much to me only in reflection of, only in the light of, only in connection to, people: those God has called me to love and who love me, the church he has called me to lead, the city he has called me to serve.

If I’ve learned or am learning anything about my life it’s that my life is not my own. “I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” (Galatians 2:20) Far from being gloomy or boring or grey like the winter sky is today, all I can sing is:

oh I think I landed
where there are miracles at work
when you got me open-handed
when you got me lost for words
I sing oh-oh-oh

A head full of dreams
A head full of dreams
Into life I’ve just been woken
With a head full, a head full of dreams
(“A head full of dreams” by Coldplay)