My life has been a series of “I don’t want to’s”.

I didn’t want to leave my home, the country of Mexico. Ever.

I didn’t want to move to the United States 29 years ago.

I especially didn’t want to move to New York State.

I didn’t want to stay at Bible school longer than one year. I stayed for three.

I didn’t want to stay in the United States after Bible school. (But I met my wife!)

After Alissa and I got married in October of 2000, I didn’t want to stay in Oswego. (I tried going back to Mexico. To San Francisco. To…)

I didn’t want to buy our house 22 years ago, because I knew it meant I would be putting down roots.

I didn’t want to sing or lead worship in church.

I didn’t want for a season to walk in the gifts of the Spirit Jesus had for me.

I didn’t want to be a Senior Pastor (which I became 7 1-2 years ago).

I didn’t want to do any of these things (and a few more!) until I did. And, in retrospect, the only reason I did was because I wanted to obey Jesus more.

That sounds more mature and spiritual than it certainly was at the time. But therein is the secret: not until you die to yourself can Jesus resurrect new desires. New desires in you that turn out to be the desires in God‘s heart for you. And so the Psalm proves true, “Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” (Psalm 37:4)

Another way of stating that truth is, “Take not your Holy Spirit from me.” (Psalm 51:11) Friendship with the Holy Spirit is the key to walking with God and to Christ living in you. In your friendship with the Spirit, you come to treasure who He is. His presence. His desires. His will. His strength. His joy. His leading. His voice. His power. More than anything! So it’s He that turns our “I don’t want to” into “I want you”. We want to do what He says because we want Him. Because we love Him.

My 2 1/2 year old son, Levi, when he wants to be held says, “I hold you”. Of course, he means “You hold me.” Or does he? Could he mean also he wants to hold us even as we hold him. It’s our holding him that makes his holding us even possible.

If our Christian walk is viewed primarily as a negative – “I don’t want to, but I will” – we’re missing out on the joy and treasure of the Christian life. The Christian life is a new life driven by and aimed at treasuring Jesus Christ above all things.

“I want you. I hold you. I love you.”

This desire, this heart, makes this prayer acceptable and true in every circumstance and season of life: “Not my will, but yours, be done.” (Luke 22:42) Or in other words, “For I delight to do your will, O my God.” (Psalm 40:8)

I’m sure there will be many more “I don’t want to’s” added to my list in the days and years to come. But I’m also sure the life I’ve been given to this point is beyond all I could ever ask or think on my own. Remember, Elim Grace, the life Jesus gives is abundant! But that abundance is found only when and where we abide in Him.