We live in a day where to lift something or someone up is often viewed as little more than a veiled attempt. An underhanded way to put down what or who has not, for whatever reason, succeeded in the same way. I recognize there are marriages within Elim Grace that range from one year to 60 plus. From healthy to unhealthy. From healing to breaking apart. I write this simple post neither to lift up nor to put down. I write it simply for anyone married, remarried, or seeking to get married. I write this for you who want to make it to your 25th anniversary.

Alissa and I will celebrate 25 years of marriage on October 27th. We look back on how young we were (both 21) and the sum and total of it all is we’ve kept our vow. Or, better put, the vow has kept us.

Marriage, though many may disagree with me, is not founded on feelings or qualities or desires found in one another. As important as those may or may not be, a Christian wedding is the entering of a covenant. A promise. An agreement. With, to, and for one another before God. It’s not a promise kept by feeling or preference. It’s not an agreement held up by physical attraction or sexual intimacy. It’s not a covenant sealed by comfort or wealth. It’s a promise you keep whether you feel like it or not. Whether you like what you feel or not. Whether they meet your preferences or not. Whether your preferences change or not.

As a pastor, I rarely encourage a couple to “write their own vows”. Many times it’s but a description of what they like about the other person and, as a result, how they feel about them. Of course, there’s nothing wrong in doing so. But “getting married” is not like “getting a car” or “getting a new suit.” Again, it’s entering into a promise that has the power to keep you as you keep it.

Therefore, marriage CANNOT be a promise to always feel a certain way. To always like the other person. To “never change”. None of those can be nor will be true. Feelings will come and go. Liking the other person will ebb and flow. Tastes, preferences and habits will shift like the seasons. Rather, it’s the promise to remain in the promise no matter what.

But, at the bottom of it all, it’s not the resolve nor the strength in our promise to one another that brings success from anniversary to anniversary. It’s the grace of God’s promise to us! It’s the promise of His grace working in us! He gives the growth which bears fruit year after year. It’s His faithfulness to us that remains our strength throughout every season.

If there is any “success” or blessing or fruit in our marriage, it’s because we’ve learned and are learning one simple lesson. At all times and in all seasons, we must go to the Rock that is higher than us for stability. Go to the Well that is deeper than us for refreshing. Go to the Light that is purer than us for discernment. Go to the Tree that is mightier than us for endurance.

We have kept our vows and our vows have kept us. That is to say, we have given ourselves to Jesus and He has given Himself to us. After all, in Him all the promises of God are Yes.

So, if we love, it’s only because He first loved us. We are only as loving as the love we draw from Him.

If we forgive, it’s only because He first forgave us. We are only as forgiving as the forgiveness we draw from Him.

If we sacrifice, it’s only because He first sacrificed for us. We are only as sacrificial as the sacrifice we draw from Him.

If we endure, it’s only because He first endured for us. We are only as enduring as the endurance we draw from Him.

And so on with everything – patience, humility, constancy, steadfastness, generosity, gentleness, joy.

I look forward to our 50th anniversary. Along the journey, I know there will be both joy and suffering. But I believe “all the years will find us in the harbor of Your kindness.”

Although I didn’t vow it then in these exact same words, the heart of the promise remains today: “Till death do us part, I am yours completely, exclusively, and permanently by the grace of God.”