PART 1: Adoption Day

By Alissa Evans

Happy Adoption Day!!

I have so many thoughts as I process Levi leaving foster care and officially becoming an Evans.  Of course, there is excitement and happiness. But my thoughts are much deeper than that.

When the judge—our favorite after 12 years of foster care—signed the final papers and said, “IT’S OFFICIAL,” I felt a surge of excitement.  My laughter quickly turned to crying, really ugly crying. 😂 Why was I crying?  In that moment, every fear vanished. He would never leave. His adoption wouldn’t delay because someone new might come forward. He was ours and we were his. 

One thing I observed in both his adoption and Emme’s was this moment when I could actually breath. When you care for a child in foster care, you do love them.  You do get attached to them. You know that birth-family reunification can be a beautiful and good thing, given the right circumstances. You know that none of what you see or feel or think matters in the outcome. I refused to hold anything of myself back from a child we are fostering. This means I open my heart fully and give all of myself to loving, attaching to, and caring for a child placed in our home, though that does come at a personal cost.  We as humans by our nature avoid pain.  So as I moved forward in loving and bonding, I noticed it became harder to breathe.  I was able to physically take the breath, but the breath never felt deep or full enough. When the judge signed the final document and pronounced, “It’s official,” I was overcome with joy. But I also felt my body release all the protective tension it had created to protect me from the blow of potentially losing this one I’ve loved as my own. As I cried, I tried to catch my breath. Then, I realized it had been 945 days since I took a full, deep breath!  My body no longer had to prepare for the potential blow of losing this child. He was legally given over to us to raise and to love completely as our own.  I felt the same as we signed our papers for Emme, although I didn’t make the connection until I felt the same thing for the second time. The relief of it being “official” is like a mom’s joy when she first holds her baby.  I’ve felt that relief, that love, that release, that fullness 6 times.  Each time the situation or delivery was different, but all 6 times that relief, that grace and fullness arrived right on time.  Fun fact…while each arrival was different I brought all my babies home from the hospital. 🫶🏼